I’m not exactly the kind of person you’d be
hanging out with if you want someone to, say, go to the arcade with you.
I hate that place. If you want to laugh your arse off, I’d wish we’d bring an
extra person because everything that comes out of my mouth is wit and snark
that I sometimes wonder if it borders on offensive already. Sometimes I cringe
at what I say, too.
I abhor sports or anything physically strenuous, and I will not be persuaded to “try new things” just because you want to. Okay, fine, maybe I’ll go with you, but only after bitching and whining about what a drag it is. And I will most likely continue to bitch and whine throughout the whole ordeal. I’m probably the worst person you’ve ever had the misfortune of calling your friend.
*laugh*
But, if you want to get drunk with
emotional stupor, I’ll yell, “BOTTOMS UP!” and match you drink for drink. I honestly
don’t know why you’d want to keep turning to me for help when one look at me
tells people that I’m virtually incapable of doing anything. But I’ll listen to
you ramble all you want anyway, and fervently remind you that whatever “hell”
you’re experiencing right now, I’ve been through a much shittier situation.
That should be enough to cheer you up. If not, I’ll try to give you helpful
advice and tips about what not to do
based on my own experiences.
I’m the kind of friend that you have who
will always have to walk behind the group (or behind you if we’re alone
together) not only because I keep getting sandwiched or squished to the side
when we line up horizontally [-___-], but also because I like how together you
all look and/or how unbelievable it is to have a friend like you. It makes me
think, “Ahh, this is right.”
I don’t feel left out. Okay, sometimes I
do, but not all the time. I will bitch about it so you’ll know. But, anyway, I
also like walking behind you because...well...to literally signify that, erm, I
got your back.
I don’t feel comfortable going in front of
everybody (since we already established that horizontal line up is impossible)
because for some reason, I get this weird paranoia that you might not follow me
and I’d get lost, both literally and figuratively. I personally do not think my
heart is ready for that. So I choose to walk from behind so that when things
get rough ahead, at least you will always have me to fall back to.
And that is my self-gratification.
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